Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts

Thursday, November 4, 2010

On being a healthy foodie.

I love to cook. Love it. I find it meditative and relaxing. There is nothing I love more than making sure my boyfriend (and friends, family, etc.) is well fed. I also like the challenge of finding a new recipe and creating a great meal or dessert from scratch. There are so many dishes that I still want to learn how to make, from spinach empanadas to homemade pies. I think these are great skills to have. However, I hate having delicious sugary desserts or an overload of calorie-heavy meals in my apartment because I will eat them.

Luckily, my boyfriend also likes to eat lots of veggies and healthy meals, so that helps. I may start trying my hand at things like homemade granola bars or veggie-filled stews instead. I think my problem is that it makes me grumpy that I can't cook, bake and eat like a "normal" person. Portion control is not something that comes naturally to me.

How do you balance being someone that loves to cook and bake with someone that wants and needs to get healthier and lose weight? Has anyone else experienced these same feelings? Does anyone have any good healthy vegetarian recipes or resources they can share?

{Photo credit: Lara604}

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Perfectionism.

I have a confession to make.

Lately--and by lately, I mean the last six months or better--I haven't been practicing what I preach. I've fallen pretty far off the wagon in terms of exercise and eating right. In the past few months, I've even stay away from my yoga mat. I could give you a laundry list of excuses: stress, finishing up grad school, moving, traveling, figuring out what was going to happen with my long-distance relationship, etc. However, I think I may have stumbled upon the real reason (with some help from my very smart significant other): perfectionism.

I thought that if I didn't have an hour every day to spend in the gym and if every meal wasn't a salad, then I wouldn't bother doing anything. Yes, me. The one who lost a bunch of weight and went insane for yoga and had a love affair with spinning classes. That girl. I was totally focused on dieting and working out like crazy instead of focusing on being heathly and living an active lifestyle.

The truth is that at my lowest weight, I was obsessing over every 0.2 pounds, which, let's be honest, is the equivalent of about three sips of water. I was avoiding going out to dinner with friends so I could stay at home and eat low calorie frozen meals. I was working out for hours a day. I was eating low fat and no fat "food" that was low in points. I was berating myself any week that I didn't lose weight. So I stopped. I had enough of the head games and I stopped.

The problem is that I stopped completely. And it shows in many ways.

Last night I went to the gym. I stayed for 50 minutes--35 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of strength training. I've been eating a fairly normal diet and trying to stay away from sugary foods. I want to ease back into an active, healthy lifestyle one step at a time. To be honest, some of those steps may include canceling my gym and Weight Watchers memberships. I am not sure where I stand on those at the moment. This may also include staying away from my scale for the time being.

I need to adopt these habits on my own without putting myself into a really bad place mentally. I feel grateful for being able to recognize both my own obsessive bad habits and also what caused them. It feels good to fess up to them too. Failure is feedback. It wasn't working for me, even if the scale was saying I was weighing less and less. I'll take healthy over skinny any day.


{Photo credit: D Sharon Pruitt}

Monday, March 15, 2010

Revelry Review: Hungry by Crystal Renn


This weekend I finished reading the book Hungry: A Young Model's Story of Appetite, Ambition, and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves by Crystal Renn, which I heard about via a CNN article a few weeks ago. Full confession: I have a huge girl crush on Crystal. I think she is absolutely gorgeous, wish I looked like her every time I see her picture AND I love, love, love that her NORMAL size body has graced the covers of so many magazines (Vogue, Elle, etc).

What I didn't know before reading the book was that she struggled with intense anorexia as she tried to lose enough weight to become and remain a "straight size" model. At 5'9, she was 95 pounds at one point. Eventually, having had enough with starvation, endless hours spent in the gym and criticism from people in the modeling industry, she became determined to get healthy. Ford modeling agency took her on as one of their plus-size models, which I find ridiculous since Crystal is a perfectly average size 12, but that's another rant for a different day. In this book, Crystal recounts her biography but also takes on the fashion and modeling industry. She comes to love her body for the size it wants to be instead of trying to force it to be smaller. The book made me like her even more.

I saw Crystal in ads for Lane Bryant (and didn't know who she was) but really became interested in her and her story after seeing this ad of her in a red bathing suit in Glamour magazine. It was so refreshing to see someone who wasn't a size 0 in their swimsuit photos. She has since appeared in their magazine and on their website many times. Apparently I wasn't the only one--this was one of the photos that caused many readers to write in and ultimately convinced Glamour to include more average-sized girls in their magazine, including the one of "The Girl on Page 194", which made national headlines. You can learn more about her from these clips from 20/20, Ellen, Good Morning America and Nightline.

And some more photos of Crystal:







Wednesday, September 23, 2009

New Season of The Biggest Loser.

"Unless you faint, puke or die, keep walking."~Jillian Michaels

"The Biggest Loser" is back....in a BIG way!

This season's contestants are the largest yet. And while I am not a fan of the extended infomercial that is each episode (seriously, cut out the product advertising and it could be a 30 minute show!) and I am not a fan of the wrong idea it gives to the many people watching that need to lose weight (19 pounds is not doable in a week if you also have a life AND probably not exactly healthy), I still watch. There are some things I do like about this show:

1. If it encourages even one person to get off their couch and into the gym or convinces them to count calories or do something to improve their life, then I think it's a good thing.

2. The theme of the season is second chances and I love it. I love that Abby, a woman who tragically lost her husband and two children in a car accident, will most likely end up in an entirely new place mentally and physically by the end of the show. I love that Daniel is back to prove to the world that sometimes you do slip up and you do need a second chance to get to a goal weight.

3. This season seems to be a lot more about teamwork and less about the competition itself (though I'm sure that will come through later when some of them starting thinking about the cash!). I love that both trainers are working with everyone and that the teams are not made up of relatives or friends. So far the players seem to be mostly encouraging each other and not being snarky. (I said for the most part--obviously Julio needs to continue to prove himself or he is going to be voted off the island sooner rather than later.)

4. I love see the personalities and the drive of the contestants, as well as watching them grapple with whatever got them to being so overweight. This is probably the main reason that I love Shay. Like I said on Twitter last night, I am squarely on Team Shay (with a side of Daniel).

5. I love the motivation it gives me. I woke up this morning and wanted to stay in bed. Really, really wanted to stay in bed. But you know what? If Shay can weigh around 475 lbs and spend her entire day working out, then I can get my butt out of bed and go run for 45 minutes. And that's exactly what I did.

6. And lastly, while I think Jillian Michaels is the scariest thing to ever happen to television, I appreciate that she can make even the strongest person tremble with fear and cry like a baby. As well as force them to go well beyond what they thought they were physically capable of.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Happy September!

September is here! Finally!

My favorite month has arrived and these past two days in Washington, DC have actually felt like autumn. I can't wait for the leaves of the few trees we have here to change colors. I want to paint pumpkins and drink apple cider. One day I will live somewhere that has a more pronounced fall than the one we have here and I will love every second of it!

My graduate school classes start back up again tonight. They are a reminder of the structure that I crave in my life and that naturally starts to set in with the new school year. That said, here are my humble goals for this month:

-Stay on top of my reading for class. Program "study time" into my Planner Pad.
-Work out or do yoga at least 5 days a week.
-Eat healthy and hopefully lose between 5 and 10 lbs
-After a procedure I am having done on my legs on September 18th where I can't work out for a week, still get on the treadmill and do some doctor-approved walking.
-Do a lot of journaling, especially as it gets closer to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, particularly around the topics of renewal and forgiveness.
-Study up on advanced Spanish grammar so I can pass my oral exit exam for school.

{Photo credit: algo}

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Regular Yoga Practice Can Lead to Decreased Obesity

The Skinny has a post about a recent study shows that a regular yoga practice can lead to a decrease in obesity, something that I have seen to be true in my own life.

The study, which was a follow-up to another study done a few years back, confirms claims that yogis are more mindful of what they are eating because they have better body awareness. This leads them to be more in tune to their body's hunger and saiety levels.

"In our earlier study, we found that middle-age people who practice yoga gained less weight over a 10-year period than those who did not. This was independent of physical activity and dietary patterns. We hypothesized that mindfulness – a skill learned either directly or indirectly through yoga – could affect eating behavior," said Dr. Alan Kristal, associate head of the Cancer Prevention Program in the Public Health Sciences Division at the Hutchinson Center. "These findings fit with our hypothesis that yoga increases mindfulness in eating and leads to less weight gain over time, independent of the physical activity aspect of yoga practice," he added.

Yet another good excuse to get your yoga on!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Diet Coke is the Devil.

Most of you know that I lost a lot of weight doing Weight Watchers.  Recently I realized that most of what I was eating to stay within my Weight Watchers points included a lot of chemicals and fake sugar.  The primary example of this is the diet coke addiction I only recently parted ways with.  

On Weight Watchers, water and diet coke are pretty much the only beverages that have a 0 point value.  Juices and things are fairly high in points.  As you can imagine, plain water gets boring pretty quickly.  Even water with lemon, lime, mint or cucumber in it gets boring.  I, along with the throngs of people that go to Weight Watchers meetings, relied on diet coke to add something different (and caffeinated) to my drink routine.  One or two diet cokes a day (very, very) quickly became one a day and, sometimes, many more than one.  

The result?  An over-caffeinated and over-faux-sugared me would go nuts and crave sweets.  It was SO much harder to keep my diet after a soda.  If I saw a cookie, cake or muffin, I HAD TO HAVE IT.  My sugar addiction was in full swing.

So I quit.

Not cold turkey.  I still will have one maybe once or twice a month.  But I mostly quit.  And I've been eating so much better ever since.  I never really believed that diet coke could ruin your best nutrition intentions but now I know.  I'm living proof.  Put down the diet coke, pick up the water!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Words to Grow By.

"The easiest way to care less about how much you weigh, how much you lose, and how much you get to eat while you're losing it is to care more about something else.

...You can come to care less about focusing on your body by developing a wide range of interests. I think of this as becoming a "life gourmet". I love being around people like this. They have fascinating information about all sorts of topics, and if you ask them if they'd like to go to the opera or to the bowling alley, they'll likely say yes and have a great time. You become a life gourmet by expanding the parameters of what's comfortable for you."

~from Fit From Within by Victoria Moran


{Photo credit: juliagriggshavey}

Revelry Review: Master Your Metabolism

Jillian Michaels' latest book should simply be called "Go Organic.  No, That's Not Organic Enough.  I Mean TOTALLY Organic".  

She spends the first half of the book explaining the various hormones that are involved in weight loss and how toxins in our diet and environment can work against us.  A little dry, but I learned a thing or two that made me appreciate my body and its processes even more.

Then the focus shifts to why you should buy organic produce, meat, cleaners, makeup, etc.  She talks about the dangers of plastic bottles and canned foods.  She gives resources for locating organic products.  She discusses the various preservatives that have turned our food into unrecognizable chemicals.  A la Michael Pollan, she firmly states that you should not eat anything that did not come from the ground or did not have a mother.  And as someone who spends a large percentage of her monthly income at Whole Foods and farmers' markets, I would tend to agree.  

And I was with her right up until she started discussing her issue with prescription medications.  I am all for natural and preventative medicines.  I know that these are highly preferable to overloading the body with all kinds of chemicals that work against the bodies natural processes.  However, I would never tell someone battling severe depression that antidepressants are bad because the chemicals interfere with the body's natural state of being.  I know there are others who believe this but I think it is dangerous for someone of Jillian's stardom to preach this kind of thing to people who want to lose weight (many of whom may also be battling depression).

I did appreciate some of her rules to master your metabolism.  Eating something every four hours, not eating past 9 and getting enough sleep are always good reminders.  Another one I need to work on is "eating like a king at breakfast, a prince at lunch and a pauper at dinner". Overall, I am glad that I read this book if only because Jillian's no nonsense attitude is enough to motivate anyone to improve their diet and get back on the treadmill.

You can also check out my review of Jillian's "30 Day Shred" DVD here.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Revelry Review: More to Love

Did anyone else catch the premiere of Fox's new reality show, "More to Love"? It's like "The Bachelor", only with curvier contestants.

The guy, Luke, is a 26 year-old successful real estate agent looking "to settle down". And, in case you were wondering, Fox wants to remind you a million times that he is 6'3 and 300 lbs. Twenty average-size women are competing for his affection.

Yes, America: a size 14 is average. Deal with it.

My first gripe: WHY must you list the contestants' heights and weights as they are being introduced? I have never seen "The Bachelor" but I am guessing they don't do that.

Second: I am also guessing that no one on "The Bachelor" talks about how her weight makes her feel unlovable and unable to get a date.

Third: I am also betting that the Bachelor himself does not tell all of the contestants that they have nice eyes.

I have always been super self-conscious about my weight. I still am. I know that it has affected my dating life. As recently as two weekends ago I overheard someone ask why Jesse was with someone like me. And sure, it hurts. But my size--ANYONE'S size--does not mean I am not worthy of love. It doesn't make me less deserving of happiness. And, like one of the contestant's remarked, it doesn't mean I don't take care of myself. Some people were never meant to be a size 2. And I thought that this show, at least the first episode, reduced each of these women to the number on the scale and not who they really are. The worst part? I bet it got high ratings.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Workout DVDs.

Do you do workout DVDs?

I was going to go to the gym tonight but when I got out of the metro by my apartment, the sky had opened up and it was pouring, thundering and lightening.  I decided to stay in and give Jillian Michaels' "30 Day Shred" a try.

I purchased this DVD a long time ago at the recommendation of lots of Weight Watchers members but I had never done it.  In fact, I haven't done a workout DVD since I started my shape up plan nearly two years ago and was too embarrassed to step foot in a gym.  I traded the DVDs in for the eliptical and weight machines a very long time ago.  But this one.....  Oh. my. god. 

 I did level 1, which is only 20 minutes long, and I was dying.  Granted I did it with 8 lb hand weights and I probably should have done it with 5 lb weights.  I am way more out of shape than I thought! I have met my match.  This could be a great morning workout (each level is only 20 minutes) to complement yoga or spinning at night.  I'm hoping that if I keep up with it,  I just might be able to do one real push-up sooner rather than later (all those chaturangas and I still can't do a real push-up!)

If her other DVDs are as good as this one, I think I need them all!  

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Interesting food and diet related article.

Dr. David Kessler, author of The End of Overeating, On Why We Can't Stop Eating

By: Louise McCready, The Huffington Post

Last week, Dr. David Kessler, former commissioner of the US Food and Drug Administration under presidents George H. W. Bush and Bill Clinton, published The End of Overeating. During a seven-year investigation, Dr. Kessler met with scientists, physicians, and food industry insiders to learn why humans cannot resist food. For many of us—myself included—the Pringles slogan, "Once you pop, you can't stop," is true of a variety of foods, from M&M's and pretzels, to nachos and ice cream. Regardless of how hungry we are, the smell of freshly baked bagels or the sight of Girl Scout Cookies, starts a feeding frenzy that ends only when the plate or bag is empty.

In The End of Overeating, Dr. Kessler explains how humans, much like Pavlov's dogs, become hardwired to anticipate foods with fat, sugar, and salt. The food industry has learned what humans want, and is only too happy to give us what we crave. We quickly become trapped in a vicious cycle of dopamine-fueled urges when we want food, and opioid releases when we eat it. If dopamine and opioid sound familiar, it's because they play a major role in alcohol and drug addiction. Dr. Kessler draws a direct connection between food's power over people, and the pull of alcohol and drugs. It truly isn't a stretch to say, "I'm addicted to chocolate."

Today's overeating epidemic has yet to result in lawsuits or FDA warnings, but a change in public opinion towards highly salient foods is exactly what the doctor prescribes. Like other public campaigns, education is power, and the first step toward regaining control of our appetites is to read this book. On the day of his book's publication, Dr. Kessler took time from his busy schedule to speak with me about what inspired the book, what he learned, and how we can change the way we think about food.

LM: This book started while watching an Oprah episode. Prior to that, had you ever seriously considered why food has such a pull over people in general, or you in particular?

DK: We implemented and helped design the food label—the modern nutritional facts that appear on the back of most packaged foods—back in the 1990s. That label was about the ingredients and nutritional value including percentage of daily values, but I never looked at the question that way. After watching that episode and that woman who couldn't control her eating, I said to myself, "What's going on?" As a physician, I asked myself, "What's driving this?" I spent the next seven years trying to figure the answer to that out.

LM: In your book, you discuss the business of food, explain how the food industry tries to manipulate appetites, and go so far as to make comparisons to big tobacco by implying that food has a pull over people the same way drugs do. Do you think that these food industries will be vilified or held financially accountable for obesity related diseases in the future?

DK: Fifty years ago, the tobacco industry, confronted with the evidence that smoking causes cancer, decided to deny the science and deceive the American public. Now, we know that highly palatable foods—sugar, fat, salt—are highly reinforcing and can activate the reward center of the brain. For many people, that activation is sustained when they're cued. They have such a hard time controlling their eating because they're constantly being bombarded—their brain is constantly being activated.

For decades the food industry was able to argue, "We're just giving consumers what they want." Now we know that giving them highly salient stimuli is activating their brains. The question becomes what do they do now?

If a bear walked in here right now, you would stop listening to me and you'd focus on that bear. We're all wired to focus on the most highly salient stimuli. For a lot of people, that highly salient stimulus is food. It could be alcohol, it could be drugs, it could be gambling, but for many people, it's food. It's not just people who are obese, or overweight. Even for people that are healthy weight, food activates the neural circuits of their brains, and they have this conditioned and driven behavior we call conditioned hypereating.

LM: I admit I've noticed some of those same characteristics in myself.

DK: For one gentleman I spoke with, the hardest thing for him every day is to get home past the newsstand at the train station because of the Kit Kats. For him, it was Kit Kats, for someone else, it's chocolate chip cookies, but one of the key core features is sugar, fat, salt. Once your behavior becomes conditioned and driven, you get into this cycle and you get cued. When the neural circuits get activated, it focuses your attention. There's a bit of an arousal as you have increased attentional focus, and then the only way to get it out of working memory is to consume the product. The next time you're cued, you eat again, and you're in this cycle. Every time you do it you strengthen it.

Not only is there amplified neural activation in the anticipatory phase with people with conditioned hypereating, but as they're eating, the stimulation stays sustained
so it's very hard to stop. It isn't until the food's gone—considerably later—do you feel full because the reward circuits are overriding the homeostatic circuits.

LM: When you spoke with top executives at one of the world's largest global food companies, and you presented an overview of the information in this book, one executive rightly said, "Everything that has made us successful as a company is the problem."

DK: Putting sugar, fat and salt on every corner, that's been the business plan. You make it not only accessible, but you make it socially acceptable, you create the social norms, you add the advertising, the emotional gloss.

LM: You said the company began to rethink their strategies about labeling and portion size, but how realistic is it to think that companies will change their tactics if it's not financially lucrative? Do you think there will be some sort of government regulation?

DK: Government has a role to play, but if you look at the great public health successes, they come from changes in how we perceive the product. 
The success on tobacco wasn't done by regulation or legislation—it was done by changing how people perceived the product. From, "That's something I want, that's glamorous, that's sexy," to, "This is a deadly, disgusting product."

The real goal is to change how you view food. If you look at something and say, "That's going to make me feel good. I want that," your brain's going to get activated. If you look at it and say, "Ugh, that's disgusting. I'd rather have something else," your brain's not going to be activated. You have to take the power out of the food by changing how you view the stimulus. It's food rehab. It's new learning on top of old learning—you never get rid of that old learning, those old neural circuits.

LM: I understand that much depends on the individual but do you have any suggestions for President Obama or the government? Is there any way they can help?

DK: The woman on Oprah had no idea what was going on. No one told her what was going on. In some ways, it's not about will power and it's not her fault. That doesn't necessarily mean there's nothing she can do, but if she's constantly being cued, constantly being bombarded with these stimuli, and her brain is conditioned and driven to respond to those stimuli, we first have to educate.

Two, is full disclosure of what's in food. If your chicken is injected with sugar and fat, and your food is loaded and layered upon layer with fat on sugar on salt, there needs to be disclosure.

It also is how you look at advertising. If advertising was meant to just convey information to consumers and it was neutral, that's one thing. But if advertising is a cue, then it gives you greater reason to regulate it, especially to kids.

In the end, it has to come from what do we want? What do we view as desirable? What do we view as socially acceptable? A lot of this is social norms. If I can walk down the street and be eating sugar, fat, and salt at any time of the day, on every corner, and that's viewed as what we find rewarding rather than disgusting, then we're going to continue with this epidemic.

LM: That ties into what you were talking about with eatertainment as an aspect of this phenomenon.

DK: If I give you a pack of sugar, and I said, "Go have a good time," you're going to look at me and say, "What are you talking about?" Now I add to that fat, and temperature, and texture, and mouth feel, and color, and I'm going to put it on every corner, and I'm going to say you can do it with your friends, you can do it at the end of the day when you want to relax, and I add all the television monitors and the color, so it's a carnival sort of atmosphere, who wouldn't want to get on the ride?

LM: What was the most surprising thing you learned during your investigation?

DK: I didn't literally understand why that chocolate chip cookie has power over me. I didn't understand why my hand was reaching. Only when I understood how my brain gets activated, how my brain gets encoded, did I learn that the power of food comes from our ability to anticipate it. Have you ever been eating and all of a sudden, as you're eating food, you start thinking about what you're going to have next?

LM: (laughing) Yes.

DK: It's sort of bizarre, right? It's that power of anticipation that drives the behavior, even more than the consumption. When you're actually eating, it, you go ehh ehh.

LM: It's not that good.

DK: It's not that good, but it's that power of anticipation. Understanding that food has more power than we realize, was the most important thing.

LM: Do you consider hypereating an effect of more disposable income or a higher standard of living? Is this unique to our period of time?

DK: We always were wired to focus on the most salient stimuli. It's just that the food industry has been able to manufacture food that's so highly salient. We always had salient foods when I was growing up, but desserts occasionally or foods that were fats on fats occasionally. Now we have them 24/7, all the time, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and throughout the day. That's the difference.

LM: It's availability?

DK: It's availability as well as acceptability—put those things together. Hypereating starts with sugar, fat, and salt, and then you add the stimuli associated with that, the emotional gloss, the availability, and the accessibility.

LM: What percentage of Americans would you say suffer from hypereating?

DK: It's a continuum. For probably 15% of the population, and that's just a guess, food is not a very salient stimuli in their life. You ask them, and they say, "I can eat or not. I have to eat in order to sustain myself, but it's not a large part of my life." That's a minority of people. If you look at the rest, and you ask them whether they have a sense of loss of control in the face of highly palatable food, if they have a lack of satiation—a lack of feeling full—when eating highly palatable food, and a preoccupation of thinking about food in between meals, about 70 million people would score pretty high on all three characteristics.

LM: Is there anything else that you would like to add or say?

DK: There's a lot out there about the food industry, and who's the villain, and who's the victim, but what's important for me is to explain to people—to the woman on Oprah—what was going on with her. I wanted to figure out what was going on, and the book was written to help people who don't understand why they have such a hard time overeating. My family doctor said to me, "You're describing me. No one ever described me to myself. No one explained to me why I keep on eating."

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Journey So Far.

Two years ago I was extremely overweight and very unhappy for many, many reasons.

I've been overweight my whole life. Of all the genetic gifts I have received from my family, "naturally thin" is not one of them. I quit playing sports of any kind after middle school. And I like chocolate. A lot. Add that to mild depression and you've got a recipe for disaster.

The picture to the left is of me in Havana, Cuba in June 2007.

Oddly enough, even seeing pictures like this one wasn't enough for me to do something about it.

Months later, in the sticks-to-your-skin kind of heat of August in D.C., I put on the only pair of workout type pants I owned, which were reserved for use on laundry day, and some beat up sneakers and went for a "run". Running sounded like something thin people do. I don't know where the motivation came from to actually do it, but I do know that the running part lasted no longer than 30 seconds. I was totally out of breath and thought I might pass out. I spent the next 20 minutes meandering around the neighborhood while gasping for air before admitting defeat.

I was sweating. And embarrassed. And frustrated. And tired. Oh-so-very tired.

But the next day I bought a workout DVD and did it in the privacy of my apartment. I only made it half-way through a 45 minute DVD but it was a start.

The following week I started going with my roommate to the gym in the morning and did the Couch-to-5k program.I knew if I made a commitment to get up and go with her, I would do it. I thought my lungs might explode every. single. morning. But I did it anyway. I treated it like an early morning job. I put it in my planner. I had to be there or else.

A week after that I decided I couldn't do the food part by myself, so I went to Weight Watchers. With a friend. Just to make sure I really, really wasn't alone. I liked them because I could eat whatever I wanted if I portioned it right. I realized that I needed to be around other people who were struggling and living to tell the tale.

The courage I had built from those two things led to me signing up for a "Newbie Yoga" class series at Tranquil Space. I was probably double the size of the biggest person in the room (a guy, no less). I was sweating to death and I could not hold Down Dog for more than two breaths. In nearly every pose, my whole body shook. But it didn't matter. I felt like a new person after I left each of those classes. Energized and healthy and happy. The mindfulness I was learning on the mat was helping me to be more mindful off of the mat. The teacher talked about how she hadn't always been thin and that yoga was for every body type, which I appreciated. She offered many ways to modify the poses and mentioned that she offered a "Voluptuous Vinyasa Flow" class once a week. I honestly believe that class, which I took for several months before transitioning to Yoga 1, saved me from myself.

I also read anything and everything I could get my hands on about weight loss, nutrition, holistic health, strength training, running, body image, yoga, self-esteem, cooking, etc. I'm pretty sure I single-handedly kept the "health and weight loss" sections of Amazon.com in business for about a year there. I also did web searches ("What is agave nectar?", "Do I need padded butt shorts for spinning?") and read lots and lots of blogs and wrote fairly regularly in a journal.

Then came slightly more advanced yoga classes. And belly dance classes. And, most recently, spinning classes.

This is me so far:





Since August 2007, I have lost about 70 pounds. I try to eat mostly whole grains, lots of veggies and cook for myself. But I still love chocolate. And bread. And cupcakes. Just in moderation. I feel like I've been relearning how to take care of myself with food.

I put back on a few pounds within the past couple of months (that's what working full-time while going to graduate school part-time will do to a person). But it's a marathon, not a sprint. And I will lose the last 30 like I did the first 70. Pound by pound, day by day, meal by meal, thought by thought. I will battle this for the rest of my life but unlike before, I now know how to battle it.

This journey has become more about finding myself, getting inspired, and getting healthy, and not necessarily just about getting skinny. I'm a size 12 and if I never get any smaller than that, so be it. It's been about doing things I never, ever thought I'd do. It's about putting myself out there. It's about trusting myself and the universe.

Mostly, the journey so far has been about getting happy. I feel like I've gotten a second chance at life, as dramatic as that sounds, and I intend to take advantage of every single second of it.